Change Nothing
by Joule Sweet
Summary: Slashy Shusei and Hotsuma. Just random scenes I felt like writing out.
1. Song

**Change Nothing**

**1**

Song

It shouldn't have been different from any other rainy day. Outside the twilight mansion, thick sheets of rain pelted the ground and soaked into the earth. The boy rushed through the torrential downpour towards the front door, fumbling with his wet keys before giving up and knocking with angry force. He was let inside by one of the servants who he barely acknowledged before racing up the stairs to their shared room.

His partner looked up from the book he was reading, taking his disheveled appearance in stride. "Forget an umbrella again?"

"The hell do you mean? You know I don't keep one of those things around," came the irritable reply. He didn't mind being soaked. His skin actually enjoyed the cold dampness. He _did_ however care that his clothing was sticking to him like second skin. It felt like he had been wrapped in plastic. Suffocating.

Shusei got up from his prone position on the bed, lifting a towel out of the top dresser drawer and placing it over Hotsuma's head. Pressing gently, he kept his voice soft. "You missed dinner again. Do you want me to see if I can get some brought up to you?"

"Already ate." Hotsuma closed his eyes, and the towel soaked up some stray drops that were trailing down his face. Shusei moved the towel lower, mopping at his neck and exposed upper body. Once all of the visible skin was cleaned, Shusei dropped the towel into Hotsuma's lap and moved back, keeping a steady gaze on him.

"That so?"

"Yeah. What about you?" The tone was accusing, but Shusei didn't mind. He knew Hotsuma was annoyed by his reluctance to eat. He shrugged in response, not feeling the urge to lie. Hotsuma would know, anyway.

"Bastard. Do we have to start an I.V. to get food into that body of yours?" Hotsuma lifted his wet shirt over his head, toweling himself off once his skin was uncovered. "One of these days you're going to keel over."

"I'll worry about that when it happens," Shusei replied easily, returning to his book. He had to write a paper on several abstract concepts the novel put forth, and though it wasn't due for another two weeks, he wanted to finish early. Staying ahead of his school work was what allowed him time to help the police in their investigations.

The silence that fell between them like a heavy weight didn't last long. After a few moments of thoughtful quiet, Hotsuma spoke. "Hey, Shusei." Glancing over, Shusei could see that Hotsuma's head was bowed, wet locks of his blond hair falling between them to obscure his face. "How long has it been since you played the piano?"

Shusei had to think for a moment to get the answer. It wasn't any time in the past year, he was certain. Maybe it was a couple of years prior, when the urge to play had come to him with a vengeance. He remembered working on a couple of pieces that he had never played for anyone else, not that he would have wanted anyone other than Hotsuma to hear them. He had written them with only the other boy on his mind.

Noticing that Hotsuma's head was up and he was now looking at him, Shusei lifted his shoulders. "Probably a few years ago. I think. Why?"

"I could use a song," Hotsuma muttered, wrapping the towel over his shoulders like a shawl and using one of the ends to soak some of the rain from his hair. "I've missed hearing you play."

"We can go into the music room, and I can play for you." Shusei smirked, closing his book and placing it facedown on his bed as he took in Hotsuma's indecent appearance. "You may want to put a shirt on, just in case you run into Toko."

"Pfft, yeah, right, she shouldn't be up here. But I guess the last thing I want to hear is her screaming that I stole her innocence again." Hotsuma stood and entered the washroom, and Shusei could hear water running and general fumbling-around noises. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to remember the melodies he had created last time. Even lifting his hands to invisible keys, nothing came to him. He would just have to play whatever came to his mind the moment he sat at the piano.

That could end badly. He didn't know if his mind would drift into dangerous territory; whether it would become stuck on those events of the recent past that hung in the corners of his memory like thick sludge, unmoving, unchanging. Ghastly reflections of his most pathetic weakness.

_Always distorted in the mirror glass, the recrimination on Hotsuma's face when he saw how far I had fallen, how low I sank. I can never forget his pained eyes that perfectly captured my own anguish, cutting my resolve into pieces and making me feel like I had finally succeeded in ending my life._

But he was still alive. After the initial confrontation about the scar, about the hurt and the lies, neither boy had spoken of the incident again. A month ago. Maybe Hotsuma was able to get over it quickly, but the impressions were still searing like red hot burns inside of Shusei's memories. Shame, guilt, regret-- nothing new. Uncertainty, devotion, hope-- delicate, frail threads of those gentler emotions were much harder to handle.

_And nothing has changed. Everything that was said-- those were just words. They never meant anything._

That realization must have been why uneasiness continued to grow inside like a weed, tearing down the walls he tried to reconstruct around his heart. Hotsuma was the only one who could even see inside, sometimes, but there was always a distance that Shusei could comfort himself with. _I'm safe here._

_I'm safe here._

"Shusei?" Eyes shooting open, he saw that the now-fully clothed Hotsuma was leaning startlingly close, his sunset eyes gazing at him with mild concern. "Are ya still on this planet?"

Shusei nodded, standing and leading the way out of the room. They entered the hallway together and took a sharp right, heading down the narrow corridor to the music room at the end of the hall. Takashiro had always encouraged Shusei in his musical endeavors and had moved the music room closer a few years ago in an attempt to jumpstart his playing. It wasn't the older man's fault that the room was collecting dust.

Piano playing-- well-- any musical playing seemed to require a deep connection to emotional energy, good and bad. Drawing on those charged feelings was what allowed music to transform from simple sounds to a touching sensory experience. While Shusei's playing was technically flawless, he sometimes felt that the actual music he produced was hollow, that it might as well not exist.

Except for those two songs of the past. He knew they were more than that because he had felt himself reacting to the melodies as he played them. He had simply closed his eyes, thought of Hotsuma, and created beauty. Though he had not named the songs, he'd told himself to remember them for the future. He had promised himself that he would.

_Promised a lot of things._

Shusei pushed the door open and found the light switch, illuminating the lonely room with a pale glow. He heard Hotsuma following him inside, closing the door behind him. Shusei brought his hand to the cherry wood piano bench, swiping it across to remove most of the dust. Hotsuma was coughing behind him, muttering something about being 'unable to breathe in this dank pit.' He smiled.

"It's been awhile," Shusei remarked as he sat, scooting forward until his feet were able to comfortably reach the pedals, his hands resting on top of the covered keys. He slid the cover back and looked at the black and white. His mind was unfortunately devoid of inspiration. _I don't know where to start._

Hotsuma leaned heavily against the top of the piano, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. "So it's been awhile, huh? You still remember how to play?"

Taking a deep breath, Shusei placed his fingers over the keys, waiting for something to spur him to action. He glanced at Hotsuma, giving him a penetrating look before feeling his fingers begin to press down, the beginnings of a song.

He didn't know how it would turn out, so they would find out together.

* * *

Hotsuma couldn't help but close his eyes when the music began to swirl though the room in a gorgeous tempest. Shusei's playing was effortless, fueled purely by the boy's unwavering talent. He was at once breathless and spellbound by the sheer magnitude of his best friend's gifts. They seemed endless.

He began to feel like he was missing an amazing sight, so he opened his eyes and looked at Shusei. His partner's face was surprisingly blank as he played, creating beautiful sounds with the movement of his hands. Shusei's brown eyes held nothing as he practiced like a clinical physician, technically flawless. Even with the emptiness in his eyes, the music was heavy with feeling.

Their eyes met for a brief moment, and then Shusei closed his, the song beginning to build into a fevered climax. Hotsuma felt his eyes drifting shut against the tidal wave of purity that rang with each keystroke. He felt like he should be in a small seaside village, watching the waves roll slowly over each other in a gentle push against the shore. He could smell salty breezes and hear the steady breathing of Shusei nearby. They were alone, and everything was as it should be.

_"Do you ever regret coming here with me?"_

_"No."_

_"Aren't you ever lonely?"_

_"Of course not. I have you."_

When the song exploded into a cacophony of sublime, Hotsuma could sense something building inside him as well. It was like something was clawing inside of his stomach, desperate to escape. He didn't know if it was a sob, a laugh, or a choked cry, so he swallowed roughly to keep it down. The music slowed to an incredibly sad melody, thick with emotions that couldn't possibly be vocalized with the same poignancy.

When the last notes faded and the two were left in the thickening silence, Hotsuma blinked his eyes open and stared down at the floor stupidly. It was not one of the comfortable quiet moments they had grown accustomed to that accompanied a lifelong friendship. They were surrounded by gently-building, clouded glass. It had to be shattered by _something_.

_And what better for the task than my cursed voice?_

"Did you give that one a title?" It wasn't a thoughtless question; he actually wanted to know the answer.

Shusei's slight smile was undeniably marred with sadness. Perhaps the music had affected him as well. Would make sense, since the haunting melody had been birthed through his hands. "No. I was hoping you would."

"Me?" Hotsuma raised an eyebrow. "You know I'm no good for titles or names. If I had a pet, I would probably call it whatever it was, like Dog or Cat. Something easy."

"So your idea is to call it Song?" Shusei asked the question with a straight face, but Hotsuma suspected he was asking to be a smart ass. He glowered.

"No. I'm just saying I can't think of what it should be called. Don't people who create things get the right to name 'em?" Hotsuma scratched the back of his head, glancing behind him at the closed windows. All of the dense curtains were shut so that the only lighting in the room came from artificial bulbs. How could Shusei stand it? He felt like he couldn't breathe. "I'm going out."

"Isn't it dark already?" Shusei asked with concern, withdrawing his hands from the piano keys. "Isn't it raining?"

"The rain's stopped. And so what if it's dark? Not like there's anything out there that can hurt me."

Shusei was quiet as Hotsuma crossed the length of the room, heading for the door. "You know that's not true," he replied finally.

Probably right. Hotsuma shook his head, feeling irritable for no discernable reason. He grumped. "So what? If something wants to fight, I'll be more than happy. I could use the stress relief."

"Can I? Go with you?"

Hotsuma snorted. "You have to ask?"

"You might have wanted to be alone," Shusei said as he caught up and fell in step beside Hotsuma, the pair descending the staircase and taking an immediate right to enter the foyer. Thankfully, no one else in the house was there to create an unwanted distraction. There was a delicate web encasing them in the awkward moment, and neither one wanted to do anything to disturb it.

To Hotsuma, it felt like they might finally overcome a looming hurdle that had sprung between them at some point. Even if Shusei would no longer punish himself for the scar or for anything else, that didn't mean he was fine. Not at all.

_I'll have to try harder, since it's my fault anyway. Like goddamn everything is._

Maybe if he was better with words, he could find just the right thing to say that would magically fix everything. He envied that ability of Yuki's to vocalize such tender emotions in a way that touched everyone inescapably deep. Shouldn't his voice of God hold the same power? Of course not. It was made to destroy, not to heal.

The night sky was a backdrop of onyx with shimmering pinpricks. The moonlight blended with the soft orange of the uniformly-placed lamps to light their path as they made their way through the winding path in front of Takashiro's estate. Hotsuma was leading, taking a detour when they had reached the end of the paved road onto a dirt path that winded into the woods. He had decided impulsively to keep them inside the grounds rather than venture further out. Less chance to run into trouble. They would probably get a bit muddy, but that wouldn't bother either of them. Clothing and shoes could always be cleaned.

He felt long fingers close around his own, warmth being drawn out of his skin into the coldness of Shusei's flesh. He glanced down at their joined hands before tossing a puzzled look in Shusei's direction. "What, are we back in grade school?"

The maddening, blank smile was held tightly over Shusei's lips. He wasn't letting Hotsuma see anything. "I don't want to lose you."

"Stupid. Like there's any way to get lost out here." Hotsuma's fingers returned the grip, and they walked together through the thicket. The overhanging branches hid the light, cloaking them in a heavy darkness. It was probably a good thing to hold hands in the limited illumination.

"Your hand is freezing. Are you sick?" He looked at Shusei's face flickering with shadows as they walked under the gossamer blanket of tree limbs. Despite the pallor cast down by the moonlight, Shusei didn't appear outwardly ill. He was moving easily and didn't seem to be struggling to keep up with Hotsuma's quick pace.

"My hands are always cold," Shusei answered with his mask firmly in place. "Or maybe yours are just warm."

"Hmph. Whaddya expect?"

They reached a familiar clearing. Hotsuma stopped, keeping their hands linked as he leaned back against a tree. He closed his eyes and let the evening calm wash over him. He was aided by the fact that Shusei was close, his stoic presence a solid rock that could always be counted on to keep the ghosts of loneliness at bay. He gripped tighter in spite of himself, sighing.

"Something wrong?"

Opening his eyes, Hotsuma glanced at his partner, feeling a rush of self-resentment. "I've let you down, haven't I?"

A brief hint of surprise passed through Shusei's eyes before they returned to a careful blank. "What do you mean?"

The words spilled out like a single crack had caused the entire dam to completely crumble. "Just everything. After that whole mess, I promised things would be better, didn't I? I said I wouldn't look away but every time I look I feel like some damn idiot. When did this turn into some awkward dance?"

Shusei was quiet for several breathless seconds. "I don't think--"

"Don't even pretend you don't notice. I mean, what the hell? We've known each other since we were kids, right? Why do I always feel like I'm about to say or do something terribly wrong? We should just be able to relax and-- shit. Just forget it, never mind. Okay?"

Hotsuma stopped himself before he went too far and revealed too much. He hadn't meant to start vocalizing his angst, but it was out in the open before he realized his mistake. He could tell Shusei was still absorbing the new information, looking thoughtful with his free hand pressed to his chin. Rather than feeling the cold of their joined hands, it felt like they had caught fire. Hotsuma wanted to pull away-- hell- wanted to run, but at the same time letting go was the worst possible thing he could imagine. That single contact of Shusei and himself was the only light in a land of dark.

Hotsuma felt the seconds tick by, agonizingly slow. He braved a glance at his partner, wondering what was going through his mind. Did he think Hotsuma was foolish for his anxieties? Or was it possible that Shusei was suffering the same endless worries?

He was enveloped in a hug, feeling Shusei's long arm circling his body and fastening tight. The hand that was holding his changed position, fingers lacing and bending their arms between them in the embrace. He remembered the same sensation from the past, a time when he and Shusei had clung to each other as easily as a flower's petals in a windstorm. Returning the hold with his own strength, he allowed his chin to drop onto his partner's shoulder. "What's this for?"

Pulling back so that they were face-to-face, Shusei's eyes narrowed slightly before opening wide, directly meeting Hotsuma's confused gaze. The next words were stated simply with minimal emotion, although the undercurrent was thick with feeling. "Don't worry about it. Just be yourself, Hotsuma. That's all you have to do. I love everything about who you are."

He was surprised but kept it well hidden. It seemed like a deep confession from his guarded partner. It didn't feel authentic for some reason, like he was forcing the words. "Look, Shusei, I'm an idiot, alright? You don't have to--"

But Shusei didn't look like he was lying. He didn't look like he was hiding, either. Keeping his eyes on Hotsuma, the feelings that raced through them were charged. "I always will."

"I know tha--"

Slowly letting a smile come over his face, Shusei's hand tightened on Hotsuma's arm, and he drew him close once more. After the hug was over, he moved back all the way, his hand clamped around Hotsuma's as before. "I'm glad to have you."

"Yeah. Me, too."

"My songs are for you, you know."

Hotsuma smiled. The weight was not completely gone, but it had been lightened considerably. He was able to move, to breathe again. With the words out of the way, he dropped Shusei's hand and made a big show out of wiping it on the side of his pants. "Thanks, you got me all sweaty."

Shusei looked genuinely happy, enfolding Hotsuma's heart with a pleasant warmth. Staring at the other boy, his partner and best friend, he felt sure in that moment that there would never be anyone else so closely connected to his very core. _If there is only one person in the world out there who crosses that invisible boundary that separates us from each other, one person we can know is a true soul mate, then I've found mine._

No matter how much space was between them, there was never distance. Hotsuma returned the open smile, casting aside his bristly spines and other protective shields. The subtle moment would be filed away with the rest of the interactions they shared, easily forgettable but another necessary piece of the puzzle they had started putting together after that one day shattered everything.

"You said my hand was cold?" Shusei replied as a smirk grew on his face, the familiar teasing light returning to his eyes. "How could I make you sweaty, then?"

As Hostuma shot back with a barb of his own, they made their way out of the woods, towards the manor. Quietly, the space between them shortened until they were walking, side by side on the path back home.


	2. Stray

**Notes:** Okay, well so much for the chapters being unrelated. They're still pointless scenes, though, but anything with Hotsuma and Shusei is worthwhile in my book. Because I am PATHETIC.

Oh, and to anyone who read and reviewed Chains most kindly, you are so appreciated. I am sorry for being lazy and not responding to each one. See above.

* * *

**Stray**

"Here."

Shusei jumped in surprise as something heavy fell into his lap and disrupted the newspaper held tightly in his hands. He had to place it aside to see what the object nestled firmly on top of him was, shocked further when he recognized a ball of fur, something definitely _alive_. He looked up at his partner for an explanation.

"It followed me all the way here from the arcade." Hotsuma's face was flushed, and his scowling mouth twisted into sharper angles as he looked down at the creature which had recovered from its sudden fall and was now taking experimental steps across Shusei. It was a young kitten, fur slightly matted and dirty, ears capped forward as though it was hunching in preparation of an attack. Shusei couldn't reconcile the emotions that came flowing through him like rushing waves, so he settled on annoyance.

"Hotsuma, this is a little much, don't you think? Couldn't you just leave it outside?" Shusei watched as the kitten left him and padded awkwardly across the other couch cushion, mewing pathetically. It was shivering.

Hotsuma glared at Shusei as though _he_ had sent the cat to torment him. "Do you realize how damn cold it is out there? It'd freeze to death, and it was just sitting on the steps and meowing like that! Do something about this, Shusei!"

Shusei sighed. Pets weren't expressly forbidden in the Twilight Mansion, but everyone walked on eggshells to avoid inciting Takashiro's wrath. He seemed to like things immaculate and tidy, which was why Tsukumo kept his zoo outside for the most part. They weren't really equipped to care for a cat either, lacking the food and litter box for starters.

He addressed his irresponsible friend sternly, allowing 'older and wiser' to slip inside his steady gaze. "You brought it in, Hotsuma, you take care of it. I'm not cleaning up this mess for you. If you're looking for help, Tsukumo-"

"I'm not asking him! I'm asking you, Shusei. We're friends, aren't we? We help each other out, that's part of the deal."

Shusei held in another sigh, trying to dispel the nagging feeling that it was always him who was doing the helping while Hotsuma was the one creating situations that required it. He strayed again to the small cat who had curled by the far pillow and hidden its head in the crook of its body. He couldn't stop feeling surprised that Hotsuma had cared enough to take the creature in, knowing he didn't possess any particular fondness for animals. No matter how often he thought he had finally discovered every last secret of his partner, he was always proven wrong by another revelation.

"You'll owe me for this," Shusei warned, taking his discarded newpaper and folding it carefully. He placed it onto the table along with his reading glasses as he stood, picking up his bookbag and fishing for his wallet. He was already formulating an excuse for Tachibana as to why he was heading outside at the late hour, considering he was always an early sleeper. There was bound to be at least one of the stores open that would have what he needed. "You stay here and watch it while I go to the store to pick up some supplies."

"Why do I have to stay here? I can go with you," Hotsuma argued, looking worriedly at the furball before looking at Shusei sheepishly, the guilt beginning to crash into him. _Good,_ Shusei thought when he saw the flashes on Hotsuma's face, _maybe he realizes now what a major responsibility this is._

Despite his annoyance and longing for Hotsuma to see the problem he had caused, Shusei was planning to do everything in his power to care for the kitten. Not just because it was helpless and defenseless in a world of cruelty that would break its tender body without a second thought, but because Hotsuma had asked him to. Something important enough for him to ask for was something that Shusei would make precious and protect with his entire being.

_I can do nothing less when it's for you, Hotsuma._

Shusei shook his head, declining Hotsuma's offer of accompaniment. "It needs to acclimate itself to our place if it's going to ever feel comfortable here. Let it rest, and you stay to make sure it doesn't get into any trouble."

Hotsuma pursed his lips, looking upset but wisely dropping the matter. He moved over to where Shusei had been sitting, taking a seat with more care than his usual heave down onto the cushions. He glanced at the shaking ball and furrowed his eyebrows. "Why's it shivering like that? It's not cold in here."

"It'll stop once it warms up," Shusei said, disappearing into his room so that he could grab a thick jacket to pull over his thin cotton shirt. He'd already prepared himself for bed, so he had to switch his pajama pants for normal slacks as well. When he returned to the room, he found that Hotsuma hadn't moved an inch, still looking at the cat like it was a sky filled with captivating stars. He supressed a sweet smile upon seeing the rare innocence on his brash partner's features. "Be back in a bit."

"Shusei?" Hotsuma's voice stopped him at the door, but he didn't turn around. A few second's pause was enough to have his friend finish the question. "What if it needs to go to the bathroom?"

Mentally, Shusei added cleaning supplies to the list of things he needed to purchase. He was already trying to think of a way to conceal the bulky items he intended to buy, wondering if he should enlist Tsukumo's help. Yet Hotsuma had seemed to reluctant to seek him out. He'd keep it to himself for the time being. "If it starts looking that way, just put it on a towel or something. Mine from earlier is in the usual place in my room."

Shusei hurried out before Hotsuma could think of any other inquiries to delay him. He huddled against the cold wind and prayed that both Hotsuma and the cat would be safe and warm when he returned.

* * *

Shusei made a humorous picture as he lugged two large plastic bags into the room, hair wild from the toss of the night's breeze and skin glowing pink with the physical exercise. Hotsuma had jumped up when he heard the heavy footsteps down the corridor, worried for a moment that it was Tachibana or someone else intruding on their space. He wasn't worried about Yuki finding out and spilling the secret, but none of the others could be trusted.

It was almost comical how he sought out the throw blanket on the nearby chair and tossed it over the peacefully sleeping kitten, hoping that the cover would be enough to mask its presence if the visitor was of the unwanted variety. His breath flew out in relief when he found it was Shusei.

Shusei's eyes came upon the struggling bulge under the cotton throw. "Hotsuma, that's not really how you tuck someone in, I think."

"Tch, I wasn't trying to," Hotsuma said with a flush, pulling the blanket away and placing it back on the chair in a disorderly heap. The kitten was awake, large amber eyes narrowed into tired slits and it struggled up onto its paws. It mewed softly and teetered on its feet before gaining its balance.

"We'll set everything up in the bedroom, I suppose. No one ever goes in there, anyway," Shusei said, pulling the bags along with him as he crossed the expanse of the parlor. Hotsuma followed him, scooping up the furry bundle as awkwardly as he had pressed it into his jacket earlier, shielding it from the night's wind. It didn't have a collar and didn't look like it had eaten a good meal in awhile, skin, bones and fur molded into a vague cat-shape. He'd known it was a stray when he saw it sitting and shaking in the alleyway.

It hadn't followed him home, rather Hotsuma had picked it up with very few second thoughts, but Shusei didn't need to know the details. He hoped his friend wasn't too angry at his impulsive decision, but he consoled himself that if Shusei was truly angry, he would have never gone out and bought the supplies needed to care for the cat.

Setting up the food and water dishes was easy, but Hotsuma was at a loss as to what to do with the litter box until Shusei showed him to simply pour the cat litter into the tray and place the cover on top. They shoved that into the far corner, and Hotsuma was impressed that the cat marched over steadily and went right in.

"No accidents while I was gone then?" Shusei asked, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips as he settled his eyes on Hotsuma.

Relieved to see the mirth on his partner's face, Hotsuma nodded. "Right. It slept the whole time. I guess it's had a rough time lately."

Hotsuma knew he should go take his bath so that he could get ready for bed, but he found himself electrically charged and rooted to the spot on the floor. The cat came out of the litter box, and he wondered if it would be obvious what it had just done. The kitten streaked past him and didn't look any different. He reached out and placed his hand on its back as it passed, stealing a gentle pet.

"It's cute," he said without thinking. And Shusei's smile grew wider.

"Very cute." Shusei's eyes never left him and made something strange twirl inside. He should be looking at the cat while saying such things... Hotsuma's uneasiness forced him to keep his mouth moving, hoping for distraction to divert the attention. "We need to name it."

"We don't know its gender," Shusei said, eyes flicking to the cat as he pondered Hotsuma's challenge. "Although the only way to tell is probably to take it to a vet if its so young, and I don't think that's necessary at this point."

Hotsuma took a hard look at the cat who was exploring the far corners of their room, tail twitching. "Then it's a boy. I don't want any damn girl animals running around here, more trouble than its worth."

"So a name for _him_, then?"

Hotsuma shook his head, wondering how Shusei could have forgotten their conversation not too long ago. "I told you, didn't I? I'm no good with names. I don't think _Cat_ is an especially inspiring name for this guy."

"Right." Shusei rested his chin on his folded hands, closing his eyes and seeming to fall into deep thought. Hotsuma looked him over and realized he was still wearing his heavy jacket. The mansion was comfortably warm with central heating, so the garment definitely wasn't needed. He moved over to Shusei, staying on the floor and pulling himself up on his knees.

"Aren't you hot in this thing?" Hotsuma's hands reached out and took hold of the two front flaps of the jacket, pulling it back slightly. The shirt underneath was thin and dark, more than enough to stay comfortable. "You should take it off."

Shusei's eyes snapped open and caught his. Hotsuma realized how odd he must look and wondered what the hell he was doing. He released Shusei and turned back to the kitten, pretending to ponder the naming quandary while his heart was beating faster than usual in his chest. _I just want to take care of him, the way he always cares about me_. He accepted the explanation and let the concern vanish.

"What about Alley, that's where I found him." It came out in a hushed mumble and cloaked with palpable fear of what Shusei might think of his suggestion.

"Alley could be a boy or girl, sounds fine to me." Hotsuma heard the cloth of his partner's jacket chafing, heard the bed springs creak as he shifted. He didn't dare look again now that his heart was finally slowed back to normal.

Hotsuma got to his feet, finally finding the will to leave the room for his bath. He spared a lingering glance at Alley, who had hidden himself under Shusei's bed and was peering out from the shadows, before exiting the room without another word.

* * *

He heard meowing in the night's stillness as he tried to fall into sleep's tempting embrace. He rolled over and looked down to see Alley's shining eyes piercing up at him from the floor, mouth slightly open and issuing more pained mewling. He reached out and swept the small animal up and on top of his bed-covers. "Shh." He spared a glance at his soundly resting partner before placing his hand on top of Alley's head. "Shh. It's okay now, got it?"

Alley couldn't understand his words, of course, that was impossible. He still seemed to take comfort in the warmth of the boy next to him and curled against the curve of his waist, tucking his head near his stomach.

Hotsuma's eyes sought Shusei through the darkness, trying to construct the sharp contours of his face before realizing that he was staring at the crown of chestnut hair that meant his back was facing him. He breathed in time with the rise and fall of Shusei's chest, wondering if it was right to feel so warm and loved with the strength his partner effortlessly provided.

_I want to see you, Shusei, looking at me with that soft, steady expression of yours that never judges and always finds a way to accept every part of me_.

Hotsuma was already acutely aware that Shusei was much more than a simple partner. The uncertainty of where the boundary now lay was the constant swarm of anxiety inside his stomach, weaving him into confused tangles that made him doubt the very meaning of his existence.

It was easier to focus on the small creature at his side, because its devotion was simple and easy. It would care for whoever took the time to provide it with the necessities of a pleasant life. It would return affection with the same intensity it was received.

For Shusei, Hotsuma knew he would always burn hotter and brighter than his partner could begin to fathom. Sighing, he stroked the fur a few more times before finally succumbing to the needed sleep.

* * *

The fact that he was exhausted and financially pinched from the excessive spending the previous night didn't seem like such a burden when he awoke and saw the adorable picture in the bed across from him. He watched the two sleeping soundly together before moving quietly to his dresser. He removed his cell phone from its charger and turned it on, grateful that the silent setting was enabled to mask all possible noise. He didn't want to disturb Hotsuma or the cat before getting the shot off.

He centered the two in the viewfinder of the cell phone's camera and took several angles of the incriminating pose before placing the phone on his nightstand, pleased. He might not need the blackmail for awhile, but it was always nice to have a back-up plan should the need arise.

He didn't blame Hotsuma for his mercy, taking the animal in when it seemed like no one else would detour from their own paths to care for something weak which needed time and attention. Precious commodities in the hustle and bustle of modern life, but Shusei was willing to sacrifice those pieces of himself for Hotsuma's happiness. It was more like Shusei's own happiness depended on being the one to bring that smile to his partner's lips. The peaceful, unguarded expression encapsulating his face in that very moment. Shusei's heart swelled inside his chest with pride that it was his alone.

_It's been a long time since I've seen you like this, Hotsuma._

He rarely got the chance to do it, so he leaned down and very softly and carefully pushed unruly blond out of Hotsuma's face. He drank the sleek angles and lines of Hotsuma's rugged beauty for a moment before leaning down fully, pressing a light kiss to the smooth skin of his forehead. His eyes fluttered closed involuntarily, but he could see inside his mind the slightly parted lips he didn't dare approach with Hotsuma in such a state.

He was happy enough to hold Hotsuma's heart in his cold hands, the warmth and choked affection bringing sensation to his nerves that he had imagined he no longer possessed. Alley sensed his proximity and sprung up with a quiet meow, peering at him with wide innocence as he pressed a finger to his lips and quietly, "Shh."

Shusei poured more cat food into the bowl which had been emptied in the night, getting ready for school as Alley chowed greedily. "You'll have to be good today," he said softly, careful to keep everything quiet so that Hotsuma could stay calmly asleep. He knew that if the cat was too noisy, it would be a very short time before they were found out. Even though they probably wouldn't get into much trouble, Shusei was already attached to the idea of Alley being something just for himself and Hotsuma to share.

Maybe it was selfish and unfair to the cat itself, but looking down at the picture he'd captured on his cell phone, Hotsuma's arm slung around the small cat and soft smile, there was no other way for it to be.

* * *

The pattern they established was quickly adapted, and Alley grew used to them fairly fast as well. They had fun playing with him using the toys Shusei had thoughtfully bought as part of his initial purchase. Alley seemed to like them a lot, switching beds with them throughout the night but always sure to stay close to one of them. Shusei had already tried to use his snapshots of Hotsuma and the cat to get the younger boy to follow his orders, but his plan was easily foiled when Hotsuma proudly produced the same on his own cell phone.

After the initial annoyance passed, they both laughed at each other and agreed to delete them from their phones. Shusei kept one of the pictures by sending it to his email account before deleting it from his phone. He wished he could use it as his computer wallpaper, but then he'd never hear the end of Hotsuma's whining.

Oddly, having the cat brought them closer together. It was almost like they had adopted a child to care for and raise, although much less demanding and costly than a real human being would have been. Shusei had jokingly called Hotsuma the protective mother while he bit back that Shusei was much more suited to the feminine role. When asked why, Hotsuma had blustered a few words about Shusei being pretty before the red in his face stilled his words.

Toko found out about the cat one day when they were unable to stop its yowling. She happened to be passing by their hallway and came in without knocking to see what the commotion was about. Hotsuma had yelled at her rudeness to no avail, because her squeals drowned him out when she saw the bundle of fur. They managed to stave her off from telling Tsukumo by promising to let her visit the cat whenever she wanted in exchange. Shusei remarked when she left that he'd never seen her so excited about an animal before and she must have a fondness for cats. Hotsuma had wondered who gave a damn what she liked while sulking at the fact that they were found out.

Shusei came home one day to find Hotsuma sitting on the edge of his bed with a dejected look souring his face, but when he asked what was wrong, silence greeted his question.

The silence lingered, and Shusei understood everything in the void. The gravity of the situation hit him like a baseball to the face, and he waited for Hotsuma to tell him what had happened.

"Toko heard Alley meowing, God only knows what she was doing on our side again, so she came in and scooped him up. She said that Alley seemed agitated, so she thought that taking him outside would cheer him up since he's trapped in our room all day. That stupid idiot, she just let him go like she thought he would stay in one place like a trained dog or something. He took off for the woods, and Toko lost him."

Shusei felt a sting at the loss of their pet, but he had already accepted the fact that it might end up in a less than ideal manner when he caught the despondence in Alley's actions of late. They both treated him as best they could, but he might not have wanted that after all. He felt a nagging doubt rise that he'd shoved down as best he could when the responsibility first came upon them almost a month ago.

"Did Alley really follow you home that day?" Shusei asked softly and without judgment, hoping that Hotsuma would see the safety in truth.

Hotsuma's fists clenched to the point of white knuckle, resting in his lap like unneeded accessories. He wouldn't look at Shusei as he answered. "No. But what does it matter? He looked like he was about to die in that alley, shivering and starving. He _would_ have died if I didn't take him."

Shusei sat on his bed across from Hotsuma, staring at the halo of blond atop his head that was bowed in his direction. He didn't need to see his face. "I understand, Hotsuma. I'm not mad about it. I believe you're right, anyway."

Hotsuma's eyes came into contact with his when his head lifted. The green depths were sloshing with pain, helplessness, and guilt, none of which Shusei saw as necessary. "Then we should go look for him, shouldn't we? He might still be on the grounds somewhere."

Shusei smiled softly, although he didn't think his next words would be appreciated. It would be hard for someone like Hotsuma to hear, to accept- the harsh reality of the grown up world they teetered on the edge of- Shusei having to already look across the boundary and see the darkness down the paths laid before him. It was hard, aching, and lonely. _And I need you with me while I walk them._

"It's wrong to keep an animal caged that wants to be free."

Hotsuma scoffed. "It's a dumb animal. How does it know what it wants, what it needs?"

"Then he'll come back. Haven't you heard the saying before- if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was."

"It wasn't mine. It was ours." Hotsuma's words were coated in bitterness, and his eyes were accusatory, burning into Shusei's. He held the anger for several breathless beats before dropping his head again and breaking the tension swiftly. "But you're right. I'm sure, you always are about this crap."

"Remember what I said." Shusei spoke with practiced restraint, keeping the choked emotions out of his voice and stilling the tremble that might have shaken through. "Because no matter how far away from you I walk, I'll always come back."

When Hotsuma's head rose again, his eyes were wide and empty of the irritation and shining with something entirely opposite. They wavered with uncertainty before settling on Shusei, tentative unfolding of fingers in his lap. "Shusei-?"

"Because I'm yours." Shusei might have subconsciously laced his voice with the charm that had half of the girls in his class falling at his feet, but it didn't mask the sincerity of his words. He didn't try to rationalize it as manipulating Hotsuma with distraction from the loss of their pet to take the edge off the sadness. He was just saying what he really felt, because it was important that Hotsuma know.

Like countless girls, Hotsuma's cheeks filled with blood and a startled expression glazed his features, but true to his surprising nature, he scowled and turned to the side. "Don't mess with me, Shusei. Not in the mood for this crap right now."

It hurt, the subtle rejection, but no more than the wounds covering the upper half of his chest. Pain could only sting sharply for so long before fading into a mundane lack of sensation. Shusei stood up, thinking that it was time to end the miserable conversation and start the usual nightly routine. He was intent on making his way out of the bedroom when the hand on his wrist stopped his progression.

The familiar grip changed as Hotsuma's hand sought him higher, settling finally on his upper arm. He looked up at Shusei with countless wounds gaping wide, with insecurity flashing in his eyes. "You mean it, Shusei?"

Swallowing thickly, Shusei pushed aside every doubt and nodded. "Of course." _How can I not mean it when you're everything that keeps me alive?_

"Because everything I ever grow to care about ends up leaving me. It's- it never fails to happen. But I want to believe that you'll be the one thing that never leaves. Your promise- it's real this time, right?"

Shusei hated that he had shattered that trust with his betrayal, but the shame for that moment of weakness gave him the strength to believe that it would never be repeated. _Not in this lifetime, or any lifetime I share with you._

"Believe in me, Hotsuma. I'm your one and only partner. Who else can put up with you?" Shusei tried to lighten the mood with subtle provocation, not seeing that Hotsuma was in his serious mode. His teasing smile faded when Hotsuma's grip strengthened and dragged him down so that their faces were close.

"You are the only one, so stay." Hotsuma leveled him with a deliberate stare, eyes roving as if he was looking for something inside Shusei. He resisted the urge to throw up every mask and shield he knew of to stop the plunder of Hotsuma's searching, bottomless gaze. He kept himself open and bare, hoping that Hotsuma would be satisfied that he was hiding nothing, nothing.

Like the heat coming from the both of them was too much, Hotsuma dropped his hand and nodded slightly, turning away and throwing himself across the top of his bed. "Alright, it's enough. I believe you."

Shusei could breathe again through the invisible smoke that wafted through the air. He thought seriously about what he'd said as he exited their shared room and headed for the bath. Despite the strength of his words to Hotsuma, he didn't know if he believed in them himself. He was much to scared to ever let go of Hotsuma for fear that he would never return, that he had never truly been his.

_"I will never again look away-"_

He hoped he could someday believe it.


End file.
